The Joy of Being a Submissive Wife II: Why I Don’t Disrespect My Husband

(This is a 3-part post.  Part I and Part III.)

The statement about disrespecting my husband may seem unrelated to the first three, but really, for me, it’s all tied in together. If you’ve been following the FB comments on this post (on my MusingsOfAMinistersWife page, not my personal page), then you know that I’m bringing this around to issues of the heart. It’s out of the abundance of the heart that the mouth speaketh. If you are speaking disrespectfully to your husband, or worse, about your husband, then you need to do some serious examining of your heart.

My husband loves me. He would die for me. He would never disrespect me. EVER! He is an awesome father to our children. He goes to work every day and comes home every night. I have no question that he loves me as Christ loved the church. Why would I want to disrespect him?

Note: I realize that some of you are not in that situation. My advice will always be to pray. Pray like you mean it. Pray like it’s important to you. If you’re serious about it, fast about it. If you don’t know how to pray, then you’re in luck—there is no correct way to pray. You go to your room or go out in your yard or where ever you go for private time, and you cry out to God from the depth of your soul. Petition God to change your situation. Don’t focus on changing your husband—that’s God’s job. Pray that you would change. Pray that your husband will see such a change in you that he can’t help but to be drawn to that Light inside of you.

If you are in an abusive relationship, then seek help. God does not want you to be abused.

Being Submissive

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church, and gave himself for it – Ephesians 5:22 – 25

Yes, It’s true. I find joy in being a submissive wife. “Submissive” is not a four-letter word. It’s actually ten : )

As Christians, God calls us to be submissive in several different relationships, not just in our marriage. We are to be submissive to Christ, submissive to our husbands, submissive to our elders, and submissive to one another. We are never to be submissive to our self. Following Christ means dying to your flesh. This is best done when serving others out of love and honor.

There is also a second word that is used in other verses and that is “subject.” The prefix for both words is “sub” which means “under”. The original Greek root for both words is tasso, and its definition is “to arrange in an orderly manner”. God is a God of order. Whether it is concerning the creation of the world or the guidelines for your marriage, He knows what He’s talking about. Who are we to think we can outdo God’s plan? He not only created us, but He created marriage.

First rule of thumb, do not marry an unbeliever. Do not become unequally yoked. I don’t care how much you love the guy. Don’t do it! If you are serious about serving God and raising a God-fearing family, you will regret it. If the husband is not on board, then chances are your children will not be either.

I am blessed, because my husband was ready to submit to God at the same time I was. We were both raised in church, and we knew better. If you are in a different situation, see my note above.

My husband very rarely “puts his foot down” so to speak. So when He does, I do not give argument. I trust my husband to make the best decisions for our family. He is a smart and wise man who listens to God. As my husband, he is the leader in our house. Trusting in my husband to care for us removes that burden from me, so that I can focus on being a better mom and wife.

I Do Not

  • I do not ever want to undermine his place in God’s plan, especially in front of our children, regardless of their age. We speak freely in front of our children, and we do have more intense discussions from time to time, but never under any circumstance do I undermine his authority. Disrespect is never an option. Talking bad about Daddy is never an option. NEVER!
  • I do not allow my children to disrespect my husband. They are children, and they will test you with a little backtalking or acting out. This is handled swiftly with either a very direct chastisement or a good pop on the rear. My husband and I are a team, and we will not allow our children to manipulate our very special relationship. This is reciprocated—no one disrespects his wife, especially his children.
  • I do not run my husband down to my friends. Now I’m not saying that I don’t have an occasional moment when I need to get some advice from a girlfriend. However, I am so extremely careful about whom I talk to. Being in the ministry, I only talk to other ministers’ wives—ones that I trust. My husband is so good to me that this is an extremely rare occurrence. The conversation is normally about how I should handle my own attitude. : )

  • I do not nag my husband. Or I try really, really, really hard not to : ) I am a stay-at-home mom. I can sleep late every day if I want to. I can do whatever I want to do all day long. And I like it that way : ) When he has a day off, it is important that he gets his rest. Instead of waking him up on his day off and nagging at him, I usually present my request to him earlier in the week and then remind him later in the week. That way he has a chance to formulate a plan in his mind of what he wants to do on his days off and how he can fit in what I want done. He is a highly motivated man, because I am very familiar with tools. He has trained me well, but there are still some things he would rather I not do. He has forbidden me to run the table saw, for instance. I only ask him to do something if it is something I can not or should not do. If he doesn’t get it accomplished when I want it accomplished, so what?! It ain’t the end of the world. I’d prefer that he keep going to work, and I keep sleeping late.
  • When my husband comes home from work, I do not dump all of my problems on him. When he leaves his stressful job as prison chaplain, he comes home to his place of rest. He doesn’t have to fight demons here. He doesn’t have to listen to horrible confessions here. (He’s not a priest, but the men confide in him, seeking answers.) It is my responsibility to have a peaceful home for him. At least for a little bit, then I unleash Thing 1 and Thing 2.

I Do

Not only do I trust my husband, but he can trust me. We find solace in the trust that we have in each other.

The important thing is that I want to be submissive. I want to show God and my husband the honor and the respect that they deserve.

I want to refer you back to our scripture text.

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church, and gave himself for it – Ephesians 5:22 – 25

Notice we are not commanded to love our husbands. We are commanded to submit to them. However, the husbands are commanded to love us.

Bottom line—men would rather be respected than loved. Women would rather be loved than respected. It’s only by bringing the two together under complete subjection to Christ by both parties that the marriage will ever be complete.

Bringing It Home

Your salvation is not dependent on what you wear or don’t wear. It is, however, dependent on your heart. Only God knows your heart, but have no doubt that He does know it. A constant prayer that I have is

Keep in mind that even the devil believes and trembles. We are taught in John 14:15 by Christ himself that “If you love me, you will keep my commandments.” Again, keeping the commandments is not where your salvation is at. Loving God and obeying Him out of that love is the heart of the matter. Your heart matters. I want to encourage you to search the Word for yourself. Pray for God’s direction in your heart. Follow the personal convictions that He has given you. If you are only obeying him to keep the peace, this is very dangerous, because the end result will always be rebellion. Obey his teachings because you love Him.

As always, I look forward to any and all comments.

(This is a 3-part post.  Part I and Part III.)


20 thoughts on “The Joy of Being a Submissive Wife II: Why I Don’t Disrespect My Husband

      • Hi, I’m new at this submissive stuff. At first I flat out said no way! However I have slowly changed and in doing so have noted less fighting, and more peace in my home. Its not easy, I was brought up to be a strong independent women. I was ready to get a divorce when our preacher stepped in . Now the love is back not that it really left just got hidden under a mess. My husband and I are doing well. We both work and share with the house but we are making it work. If you have any advice please send it.

      • That is awesome, Laverna! If you made it to part III, you will see a lot of similarities between us. The best advice I have is to remember that he will have bad days, just like you will. Just try not to have them both on the same day, lol. It is our flesh nature to want to be right, to prove “our” point. What good does that do? When he is being argumentive, just let him be. Hold your tongue and keep the peace. More than likely, he will come around later that evening and apologize for being rude or whatever he was being. Men definitely internalize things and sometimes it’s the smallest thing that sets them off. Remind yourself that he’s upset at something bigger than whatever small thing appeared to have set him off. Learn what his “tells” are. Like with my husband, the palms of his hands start to chafe when he’s stressed about something. So even if he *appears* to be fine, even if he *says* he’s fine, I know otherwise. keep yourself available to your husband, both physically and in friendship. Sex is a great stress reliever and perspective-gainer for men. And they feel most loved this way, even though it is the opposite for women. Having a relationship sometimes means having to sacrifice. After all, God sacrificed for us and look at what a loving relationship we have with Him? or we CAN have….

        Please feel free to message me privately through FB if you have a specific issue or just need to vent about something. : )

  1. Pingback: The Joy of Being a Submissive Wife III: A Tale of Three Wives « Musings of a Minister's Wife

  2. Pingback: The Joy of Being a Submissive Wife « Musings of a Minister's Wife

  3. From FB, MOAMW, asked for how would we would advise Laverna. I encourage Laverna to relish her new found joy at love rediscovered. I caution against becoming legalistic and developing black & white thinking about which this subject to easily lends itself. When she writes, “We both work and share with the house but we are making it work,” it sounds as if she and her husband are learning the art of mutuality. I encourage her to continue in her doing well and by fostering mutuality and extending it to all areas of their relationship. Marital relationships characterized by mutual agape, philia, storge, eros, respect, deference, sacrifice, service bring God much glory.

    {Though I disagree that in contrast to men women do not feel loved by sex, I do second MOAMW’s comment that sex is a great stress reliever. 🙂 }

    • Hello, and Thank You. For the last 4 months I have really felt a lone in this. I know its the right way to do things, however it is not the most popular. Women this day and time don’t understand this way of thinking. Even I am so used to making my own dissensions that I still find it hard to remember that I am not just my own but me and my husband are one. I get reminded of that often.

      • Christ-like approaches to relationships, even marriage, is a call to live by the Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” (Jesus in Mt 7:12, Lk 6:31) and similarly a call to fulfill the second greatest command, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” (Jesus in Mt 22:36-40). We make hundreds of decisions every day, and it would be impossible to have those decisions cleared by our spouse each day. Large decisions, i.e. major purchases, vacations, etc. or possibly even accepting a dinner engagement, out of common courtesy are best made in concert with our closest neighbor, our spouse, because those decisions affect them and are best made based upon agreed upon values and/or interests. The courtesy our personal dignity would expect is the same rubric by which we should love and treat our spouse. Part of “being one” is not unilateral agreement or acquiescence. “Being one,” in part, is each spouse, who is each others closest neighbor, bringing to the relationship their particular strengths, gifts, perspectives, knowledge, wisdom, etc. to make wise choices. Legalism or black and white thinking inhibits mutuality which is essential to a healthy marital relationship. It sounds as if you are on the right track. I wish you well in your journey.

  4. This is the first time I have accessed this page ..and I have to say Good Job! I was always taught and found that there is great strength in submission…I have seen women treat their husbands so disrespectfully in front of others and treat them like a child and it just breaks my heart for there is always something going on.And I have seen women treat their husbands with respect and their homes are blessed..Keep up the great Work! I have a Womens Worldwide Ministry and I am going to recommend this page to all! God Bless!

    • Thank you, Deborah! Just last night I heard myself say to my husband, “I will support whatever decision you make.” And I meant it. : ) Such a far cry from that rebellious, independent girl I used to be. Thank you, Jesus!

      Please feel free to leave links to your own resources. Blessings!

  5. There are, unfortunately, no guarantees by marrying a believer. My husband turned away from the Lord, had an affair and left me as a single mother. He had been a very active member of church and I met him when he was leading a missions team.

  6. Hi I am a married woman of 4 and half years to a godly man I have a hard time submitting to my husband its hurting me now I am convicted right now

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